u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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