My first STD was from a foam party
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
