bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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