I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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