New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
