Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
