Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
