I want to make a zoo with you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
