omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
