He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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