Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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