He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
