she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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