I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
