you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
