i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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