I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
