Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
