Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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