Do you still have your period?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
