The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
