don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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