u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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