i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Randomize
