I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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