you traded sex for a burrito?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
