I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
