For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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