Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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