so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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