I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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