All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have fence marks all over my body
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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