Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
