Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
