I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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