I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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