first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
