I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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