We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
