if you like me you must not know who I am
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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