there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
