allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
