i think my mom watched the whole time
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize