The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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