Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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