never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
