Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
