i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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