i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
