Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
