Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i now understand why vodka
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
