is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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