so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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