Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just google imaged poop.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
