I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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