If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
please don't ironically join a cult
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