i just wanna soil my oats bro
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
