also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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