Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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