How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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