So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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