Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
