Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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