You're my little dorito
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
