she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
