i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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