in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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