it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
