she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
