I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
