I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
