OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
