somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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