the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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