i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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