My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
