I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
