I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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