he wants to bone in the snuggie
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
