I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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