I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
