well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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